Words, grammar, foreign language, sociolinguistics… I find it all fascinating and wonderful.
I was looking on the bookshelf in my living room a few weeks back, and a book title grabbed my attention:
i am not, but i know I AM.
Ah! Not only was it a masterfully worded title, it's also a concept that I, as an ESFP, often struggle with.
I've had the opportunity to hear the book's author, Louie Giglio, speak a handful of times, and the simplicity with which he presents God is energizing.
So of course, I took the book off the shelf and have been reading it, slowly but surely {my self-discipline when it comes to reading is lacking}, ever since.
Last week, I read a chapter in which the author relayed an experience he had while meditating on the phrase, "And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us."
He took the phrase word by word, and spent a day on each word.
My inner word nerd got jazzed at the idea of getting to spend an entire day thinking about a single word, so I resolved to address a phrase in a similar way. As I continued to read the chapter, I felt Psalm 46:10 worm its way into my consciousness:
Be still and know that I am God.
Such a cliche churchy phrase, yes.
A couple years back, though, this concept hit me in a big way, and ever since then, it's held a special place in my heart.
So I set out to do my word-a-day meditation on this phrase.
Be.
My first word was "be".
Two letters.
B-E.
Be.
What the heck was I supposed to get out of those two letters?
Be is an irregular verb, so I started by making a conjugation chart:
I looked at my conjugation chart, and couldn't get past the thought of, "Gosh, Kelsi, you're so lame. Why are you making conjugation charts for a verb in your native language?"
But I continued to look at my chart, determined to get something out of this.
Suddenly, something clicked in my mind, and the top left corner jumped at me: I AM.
The simple state of being is congruent with the very name God gives Himself.
To be is to commune with God.
To be is to explore God.
To be is to realize the essence of the One who was, is, and always will be.
i am not, but i know I AM.
I got so excited about these two small letters.
B-E.
As I continued to meditate on this tiny word, it became a huge word.
Its eleven definitions on dictionary.com scarcely scratch the surface of its meaning.
How can I learn to be?
I want to rest on my laurels and let God take His role as the I AM.
I want to stop worrying.
I want to relinquish control.
I want to simply be.
