My
roommate is in divinity school, which means she writes papers without ceasing.
I love to proofread, so I'm her designated proofreader. Which I'm totally glad about.
Her most recent paper discussed the influence of Christian teachings {especially through contemporary Christian music} on unmarried Christians' views on and expectations of marriage.
See, when a fairy tale is presented as a fairy tale, the "happily ever after" ending isn't internalized by the reader as something that will necessarily happen.
When this same fairy tale is implicitly told as something that could --and should-- occur in real life, it becomes damaging to young people's expectations of marriage, and really, of reality in general.
Let me explain.
Most girls in America are taught a standard repertoire of fairy tales from a very young age.
[You know, Disney movies, story books, etc.]
They're told these stories in such a context that there's no way they could believe the stories to be true: they're very aware that the stories are fictitious. Sure, they may subconsciously apply these stories to their lives as they grow up, but my guess would be that most girls don't believe they'll eat a poisoned apple and then be awakened by a prince's kiss.
Christian circles, however, teach similar stories through a lens of sexual purity.
We're taught things like, If you're patient, the one you're waiting for will come. And, Things will fall into place and will be utopian for people who wait obediently.
What seems to be implied through the mindset of most Christians is that a woman who is unmarried isn't actually unmarried. No, she's in a half-married state to a man whom she has never met, and must therefore wait and pray for him until the day when she will finally meet him and can be fully married.
How on earth is this healthy?
Through trying to teach sexual purity, Christian circles have reinforced the understood social norm that a person is somehow inadequate if they are unmarried.
You worry 'bout the maiden
Though you know she's only waiting.
Spent her whole life being graded
On the sanctity of patience
And a dumb appreciation,
But the story needs some mending
And a better happy ending.
--Sara Bareilles, Fairytale
So then, what should the proper approach be?
I'm an advocate of sexual purity before marriage.
But how should this topic be addressed without it seeming like young people are waiting for a reward of sorts once they find the person who "completes" them?
