I love to proofread, so I'm her designated proofreader. Which I'm totally glad about.
Her most recent paper discussed the influence of Christian teachings {especially through contemporary Christian music} on unmarried Christians' views on and expectations of marriage.
See, when a fairy tale is presented as a fairy tale, the "happily ever after" ending isn't internalized by the reader as something that will necessarily happen.
When this same fairy tale is implicitly told as something that could --and should-- occur in real life, it becomes damaging to young people's expectations of marriage, and really, of reality in general.
Let me explain.
Most girls in America are taught a standard repertoire of fairy tales from a very young age.
[You know, Disney movies, story books, etc.]
They're told these stories in such a context that there's no way they could believe the stories to be true: they're very aware that the stories are fictitious. Sure, they may subconsciously apply these stories to their lives as they grow up, but my guess would be that most girls don't believe they'll eat a poisoned apple and then be awakened by a prince's kiss.
Christian circles, however, teach similar stories through a lens of sexual purity.
We're taught things like, If you're patient, the one you're waiting for will come. And, Things will fall into place and will be utopian for people who wait obediently.
What seems to be implied through the mindset of most Christians is that a woman who is unmarried isn't actually unmarried. No, she's in a half-married state to a man whom she has never met, and must therefore wait and pray for him until the day when she will finally meet him and can be fully married.
How on earth is this healthy?
Through trying to teach sexual purity, Christian circles have reinforced the understood social norm that a person is somehow inadequate if they are unmarried.
You worry 'bout the maidenThough you know she's only waiting.Spent her whole life being gradedOn the sanctity of patienceAnd a dumb appreciation,But the story needs some mendingAnd a better happy ending.--Sara Bareilles, Fairytale
So then, what should the proper approach be?
I'm an advocate of sexual purity before marriage.
But how should this topic be addressed without it seeming like young people are waiting for a reward of sorts once they find the person who "completes" them?
2 comments:
If I understand you correctly, our Christian culture is implying that God intends for every person (young woman) to be married and that he/she is simply waiting for the "right" one. As parents, we have taught our six children that God also calls some of His children to be single and celibate for their lives on Earth. And that our primary goal while here is not to look for a spouse, or even please a spouse, but to glorify God.
i reject the notion of equating celibacy with purity. hell, i reject the idea of staying celibate before marriage. i do not reject purity. but i'm strongly convinced that the construct of purity that i grew up with can have CATASTROPHIC results on a person's biological and psychological well being.
growing up as a christian in the hyper-consumerist, hyper-sexualized, artifical-beauty-glorifying culture that we exist in is enough to fuck with anybody's brain.
i don't believe that playing along and keeping your head down while waiting for someone to complete you is bullshit. you are complete and entire already. you lack nothing.
i don't believe that any position in Christ adds to or takes away from that. I believe it's important not to conflate love, purity, sexuality, completeness, morality into the lump sum that we were fed growing up.
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