love... or something like it.

For whatever reason, I've been obsessed with the word love today.

Not the romanticized, chick flick type of love our society places so much emphasis on.

No, I've been more focused on real love. The kind of love that I should be showing to everyone. Unconditionally.

Unbiasedly.

Uninhibitedly.

I went to my iTunes, and searched "love".

94 songs came up.

Everything from "Love Shack" by The B-52's to David Crowder's "Amazing Love."

It's interesting how humans have perverted the idea of love.

"I love pizza" is said as flippantly as one might say their birthdate or shoe size.

This human meaning of love is something that can be wonderful, yet simultaneously agonizing.

Then I went to BibleGateway.

I searched "love".

There were 697 results.

As I read through the first few hundred verses, it dawned on me that love is a choice.

It's about choosing to genuinely care about other people, regardless of their alleged value in society.

This kind of love is "dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal," in the words of Abraham Lincoln. [Thanks Mr. Hartzell for making me memorize the Gettysburg Address in 10th grade.]

I'm not the Savior.

I can't do anything for anyone, except to show them that their life matters.

All I can do is show love.

That's it. Period.

"The entire law is summed up in a single command: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"

-Galatians 5:14

still.

The past couple weeks have been interesting.

Interesting... could I be more vague? [I guess I could be more vague if I made up a word. The past couple weeks have been lubarious. Yep, now you have even less of a clue what I'm talking about. I'll try this again.]

The past couple weeks have been some of the most emotional ones I've had in quite a while. It's been made up of some of the lowest lows I can ever remember having, but it's been counterbalanced with some incredible highs that have kept it both bearable and quite interesting.

There's that word again. Interesting.

I guess the bottom line is that I don't know how to process everything that's gone on. I've become very emotionally fragile. By the time I deal with myself, I have nothing left to give away. I can't invest into other people like I want to.

I was laying in bed this morning, trying to process everything, when a crystal clear sentence cut through the jumbled mess that was in my head:

Be still and know that I am God.

It wasn't a phrase I'd thought of recently, nor was it anything that's ever held exceptional meaning in my life, but it was precisely what I needed to hear.

I realized I've been trying to take things into my own hands.

(How human of me.)

As soon as this Psalm entered my mind, my entire demeanor changed. I felt myself physically loosen. I stopped analyzing every tiny detail of the past couple weeks. My brain simply stopped.

And I was still.

And I knew.

I knew.

That God is sovereign.

That God has everything under control.

That God is in charge.

That God won't give me anything that I can't handle.

That God allows struggle in order to enable growth.

That God is molding me.

That God has never and will never give up on me.

That God is love.

So I will be still.

And I will bask in the peace that I will never fully comprehend.

"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress." --Psalm 46:10-11

trying to understand.

You'd think I'd be somewhat over it by now.

It would make sense for me to have moved on with my life.

But it still haunts me.

I still see the impact on my life of the earthquake in Haiti.

Every day.

It has truly changed the way I live.

It's been a lesson in self-discovery.

I didn't realize how crucial the Haiti aspect of my life was to my overall contentment.

I can't not have that as a constant part of my existence.

This morning, I listened to a speaker who was comparing Haiti's earthquake to 9/11.

I was honestly surprised at how strongly I reacted.

My whole body tensed up.

I was legitimately angry at him.

I shouldn't be angry. I realize that he just doesn't understand.

But I couldn't shake it.

2,819 people died in 9/11. [0.00001% of the US's population at the time.]

230,000 people died in Haiti. [2.8% of Haiti's population.]

The estimated cleanup cost from 9/11 is $600 million.

The projected cleanup cost in Haiti is $1 billion.

1,506,124 tons of debris was removed from the World Trade Center site.

An estimated 60,000,000 tons of debris is yet to be removed in Port-au-Prince.

source: nymag.com

I'm not trying to diminish the calamity of what happened on September 11, 2001.

I realize that the scope of thousands of people's lives was forever changed on that day.

There is no way to rectify or justify the attacks.

But please understand, there's no comparison between the two events.

Port-au-Prince has essentially ceased to exist.

"When arriving at a large tent city downtown, our police escort said, 'There is no more Port-au-Prince.' Heartbroken, she stayed inside the truck." -@troylivesay (January 21, 2010)

the famous one.

I've always liked famous people.

I've not really ever had a reason for it, but if someone is famous, I find myself drawn to them.

Last night, I went to a writers round. There were five people participating. I don't typically like writers rounds all that well; I mostly went for the social aspect of the show.

The third time through, one of the people I know played a song of his that nearly everyone in the room knew. It was one of those experiences where music took me to a place that I couldn't understand. It brought me to a mentality that transcended the dingy room where I was sitting.

It was in that moment that I realized that I'm not drawn to famous people; rather, the pull is that of talent. Something of which fame often happens to be a byproduct, but isn't necessarily part of it at all.

I thought of my closest friends, and realized that they're extraordinarily skilled in what they do.

My best friend from high school is one of those people who brings joy to everyone she encounters. She's a master at it. It's rare to have a conversation with her and not feel better afterwards.

My closest friend in college is the most talented violinist I've ever heard. She can make that instrument sing in ways that I can't understand. It goes beyond simply music to a realm that makes you forget anything else exists.

I don't care about fame; I want to surround myself with people who nurture the talents they've been given to make them reach their full potential.

And then a song came to mind. A song I hadn't thought about in years.

You are the Lord, the famous one,

Great is Your name in all the earth.

The heavens declare You're glorious,

Great is Your fame beyond the earth.

God is the master of His craft. Everything He does is perfect, and His renown is well-deserved.

His fame is more than a human response to what He's given; it's the only logical reaction. When faced with that unsurpassed flawlessness, there is no option but to sit in awe and wonder at the fame and beauty of God.

There's nothing more complete and all-encompassing than the works of God. The very essence of who we are is a reflection of Him. We're living in a world we can't begin to understand. Sure, scientists try. Philosophers try. But our finite minds can't begin to scratch the surface of the intricacies of God's creation.

"The fact that what is beyond my understanding is still in front of my eyes is beautiful."

-Bradford Dobbs

Yet we numb ourselves to it. We neglect to realize the thought and precision with which everything in our existence was intentionally fabricated.

Revealed by nature and miracles, You are beautiful.

You are beautiful.