Saturday, January 16, 2010

Haiti stuff.

It's all sinking in. I'm discovering that life must go on.

While it's important to continue to pray and help as we can, it's not fruitful to dwell on what we cannot control in a country we aren't currently in.

There are issues that will result in longterm problems: things like disease caused by decaying bodies, lack of food and water (although when is that not a problem in Haiti?), and the country's financial inability to repair what was destroyed.

If anything, this has raised awareness that Haiti is a place in need of help, not just now, but always.




















photo credit: Troy Livesay


Some responses that I've found helpful:


Maybe more later? Not sure yet.





Bondye konnen tout bagay.
Bondye komprann tout bagay.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

a second attempt at processing.

My brain is full.
My heart is saturated.
My eyes are overwhelmed.

but somehow I can't stop watching videos on cnn.com

It's one of those things where you want to stop watching, but you can't.

I talked with my dad on the phone tonight. My dad is a rock.
Tonight he was weak. Spent. Empty.
People rely on him for answers. They come to him for help.
Now he has no answers. Today he doesn't have a way to help.

He was telling me about the interviews he's doing.
There were a couple for newspapers today.
Tomorrow he's getting called by some news stations.
Then there's Samaritan's Purse, and he's working on a press release with one of Indiana's senators.

He's being interviewed about the very thing that's draining the life from him.
He's forced to think about it. Talk about it. Provide insight on it.
All day long.

No wonder he's emotionless.
















On a more practical level, a lot of people are asking about my family's friends in Haiti.
Most of the people we know are safe, although there are still several people we've yet to hear from.
(but no news is good news, right?)
Our hospital doesn't seem to be damaged, aside from relatively minor things such as shelving being overturned, things falling off the walls, and equipment being damaged.
We haven't heard from any of our hospital's staff, although we've heard that the neighborhoods where they live were completely demolished.

And I think that's all I know.

I'm still not sure how to understand it all.






















Wednesday, January 13, 2010

trying to process.

Maybe I'll start blogging again.

I've tried journaling.

It's nice, but I have trouble writing for myself. I need to know there's the potential for an audience. Maybe it's the ESFP in me?

Yesterday afternoon I got a text from my best friend from Haiti. It was really choppy. Really unlike her. She's usually so composed. [you kind of have to be if you've grown up in Haiti.]

It said, "A 7.0 earthquake just hit Haiti. My family is all okay, but please be praying for them and those in the very structurally unsafe surroundings."

Ok yeah, fine. Earthquakes happen all the time. Whatever, nbd.

I guess I didn't realize that 7.0 was a sort of ridiculous number.
I guess I didn't realize that the epicenter was only 20 miles from my family's place.
I guess I didn't realize that there would be an estimated 100,000 dead.
I guess I didn't realize that this would be of a similar magnitude, globally speaking, to the World Trade Center incident on September 11, 2001.

except 30 times as many people died.

And now there's nobody to place the blame on.

There's not a scapegoat this time.

How could this happen in a place where there's no hope for them to ever fully recover from such a blow? They don't have a system set up that's capable of cleaning any of this up.

















There are no bulldozers.
No morgues.
No hospitals.

The news reporters can't understand it. They say the country is in turmoil, that there are people lying on the side of the road. That's normal in Port-au-Prince. But this devastation is far worse than that.

This country won't recover.

They were down for the count already. They can't just bounce back. They don't have the resources to.

I can't describe in words how painful it is to know there's absolutely nothing I can do to help. My brain is in Port-au-Prince. My body is in Nashville. The disconnect between the two is almost unbearable.

























All I know to do is pray.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

moving mountains.

My Savior, He can move the mountains;
My God is mighty to save.


From the very first time I heard this song, I liked it. It struck a chord in me lyrically, musically, and emotionally. Today, though, I perceived it differently than I had previously, and it has more meaning to me than it ever did before.

Christians often talk about God's strength. God is so strong that He can move mountains. We can move mountains too, if we even have "faith as small as a mustard seed" (Matthew 17:20). If you've spent much time at all in church, you've likely heard allusions to this. So often, though, we stop our exploration of this topic once we've accepted the fact that God has the strength to move mountains.

But what happens once God has moved the mountains?

What's the point in moving mountains if they're fine where they are? God is moving mountains for a reason.

A common metaphor used in Christian circles is that of valleys. When people experience rough times, they are often said to be in a valley.

Rather than pulling us up out of our low points, God sometimes chooses to simply move the mountains out of the way. Without mountains, there cannot be a valley. Even if we remain in a low point, the shadows cast by the mountains are removed. When the shadows are gone, the light is evident.






Shine the light and let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory of the risen King.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

stop this train.

I wanna get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in,
I know I can, but honestly,
Won't someone stop this train?


Life keeps going. I'm not at all prepared to face another day. More often than not, I'm scared to death of the next hour, the next minute. So many things are changing. I have no sense of home anymore.

Before very long at all, I'll be entirely responsible for myself. For getting a job. Paying bills. Finding housing. Cooking.

I can make my life whatever I want it to be. I get to start it for myself and make it anything I choose.

I'm not strong enough to do this. Everything is so overwhelming. I'm unprepared to be an adult. I'm irresponsible. I run out of money a few days before my next paycheck. I can't make slice and bake cookies without burning them. I bounce checks. I wear jeans to church. Sometimes I just need to be held.

How am I supposed to be in charge of everything in my life when I don't even have control of ...well, anything?

I can't even give myself my own shots.

Every little thing is out of control. I have no semblance of order in any area of my life. That terrifies me. I can't be a grownup.



So scared of getting older, I'm only good at being young.
--John Mayer

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

This world is unfair.

Why was I born in America? Why did I have the good fortune of being brought into this world by two parents who love God first, then themselves? Why am I even alive right now? I have enough food. I have medicine.

Some friends and I were playing a game tonight called "Loaded Questions." One of the questions the game asked was, "What is one liberty everyone should be entitled to?" My answer was access to healthcare. This is something we take for granted, but many people in the world would kill to be able to even have some Tylenol for a headache. Life is unjust.

Had I not been born into a prosperous family in one of the most well-off nations in the world, my health would surely not have allowed me to be alive right now. Why did God allow my circumstances to be such that I can live?

But why have I been born into a situation where material possessions are abundant? My focus is so easily removed from where it should be by the material things that surround me. Americans are, as a whole, the least happy people I've ever met, yet we have more resources than most of the world. Why does obtaining what we think we need simply intensify our greed?

Being materially wealthy is both a blessing and a curse. Talking with my friends in Haiti is a blatant reminder of that. Why is it that my Haitians friends, who have less (materially, that is) than I could dream of getting by with, are the most content and joyful people I know? There seems to be a direct correlation.

As a musician, one of my main means of communicating feelings is through music. When I'm in the U.S., I find it difficult to worship if something as minor as one of the guitars in the worship band being out of tune is amiss. When I'm at church in Haiti, though, one of the drums might not have a head, the worship band might consist of a self-taught saxophonist, a drummer, and an off-key singer, and there isn't electricity through which to run a sound system. I prefer worshiping at my church in Haiti to nearly any church in the U.S. As a musician, especially, this doesn't make logical sense. When I think about why I prefer worship in Haiti, though, the answer is simple. It all boils down to authenticity. In Haiti, there's none of the "stuff" to distract anyone. Their sole focus is where it should be: on God. Nobody cares if the toes of your shoes are scuffed. It doesn't matter if you're singing off-key. The only thing to focus on is God.

When all you have is God, you have no choice but to completely rely on Him.

Sometimes I wish I lived this way. I want a simple life where I am forced to constantly trust that God will provide. As I think that, though, I turn back into a selfish American and become thankful for my safety net of material possessions.

I can't stop wondering, though, why? Why do I have so much? Why do I feel like having excess is a positive? Why do I view this as positive? As a blessing? Why is this even an issue? Why do some people have more than others?

There is injustice in the world. No one is to blame for this; it is simply an accepted truth, a rut that continues to deepen as the wheel keeps turning.

The question remains, though: are we, who the world views as blessed, more fortunate than those who are in constant need?



"We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."
Romans 5:3-4

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Americans are so wasteful.

A friend of mine is a missionary in Haiti, and I saw this on their family's blog. It's a really powerful depiction of the flawed American mentality.

The prices given are averages in USD for a week's worth of food.

The Melander Family of Bargteheide, Germany:
4 family members
$500.07


The Revis Family of North Carolina, USA:
4 family members
$341.98


The Manzo Family of Sicily, Italy:
5 family members
$260.10


The Ahmed Family of Cairo, Egypt:
12 family members
$68.53


The Namgay Family of Shingkey Village, Bhutan:
9 family members
$5.03


The Aboubakar Family of Breidjing Camp, Chad:
6 family members
$1.23