moving mountains.

My Savior, He can move the mountains;
My God is mighty to save.


From the very first time I heard this song, I liked it. It struck a chord in me lyrically, musically, and emotionally. Today, though, I perceived it differently than I had previously, and it has more meaning to me than it ever did before.

Christians often talk about God's strength. God is so strong that He can move mountains. We can move mountains too, if we even have "faith as small as a mustard seed" (Matthew 17:20). If you've spent much time at all in church, you've likely heard allusions to this. So often, though, we stop our exploration of this topic once we've accepted the fact that God has the strength to move mountains.

But what happens once God has moved the mountains?

What's the point in moving mountains if they're fine where they are? God is moving mountains for a reason.

A common metaphor used in Christian circles is that of valleys. When people experience rough times, they are often said to be in a valley.

Rather than pulling us up out of our low points, God sometimes chooses to simply move the mountains out of the way. Without mountains, there cannot be a valley. Even if we remain in a low point, the shadows cast by the mountains are removed. When the shadows are gone, the light is evident.

Shine the light and let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory of the risen King.

stop this train.

I wanna get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in,
I know I can, but honestly,
Won't someone stop this train?


Life keeps going. I'm not at all prepared to face another day. More often than not, I'm scared to death of the next hour, the next minute. So many things are changing. I have no sense of home anymore.

Before very long at all, I'll be entirely responsible for myself. For getting a job. Paying bills. Finding housing. Cooking.

I can make my life whatever I want it to be. I get to start it for myself and make it anything I choose.

I'm not strong enough to do this. Everything is so overwhelming. I'm unprepared to be an adult. I'm irresponsible. I run out of money a few days before my next paycheck. I can't make slice and bake cookies without burning them. I bounce checks. I wear jeans to church. Sometimes I just need to be held.

How am I supposed to be in charge of everything in my life when I don't even have control of ...well, anything?

I can't even give myself my own shots.

Every little thing is out of control. I have no semblance of order in any area of my life. That terrifies me. I can't be a grownup.



So scared of getting older, I'm only good at being young.
--John Mayer

This world is unfair.

Why was I born in America? Why did I have the good fortune of being brought into this world by two parents who love God first, then themselves? Why am I even alive right now? I have enough food. I have medicine.

Some friends and I were playing a game tonight called "Loaded Questions." One of the questions the game asked was, "What is one liberty everyone should be entitled to?" My answer was access to healthcare. This is something we take for granted, but many people in the world would kill to be able to even have some Tylenol for a headache. Life is unjust.

Had I not been born into a prosperous family in one of the most well-off nations in the world, my health would surely not have allowed me to be alive right now. Why did God allow my circumstances to be such that I can live?

But why have I been born into a situation where material possessions are abundant? My focus is so easily removed from where it should be by the material things that surround me. Americans are, as a whole, the least happy people I've ever met, yet we have more resources than most of the world. Why does obtaining what we think we need simply intensify our greed?

Being materially wealthy is both a blessing and a curse. Talking with my friends in Haiti is a blatant reminder of that. Why is it that my Haitians friends, who have less (materially, that is) than I could dream of getting by with, are the most content and joyful people I know? There seems to be a direct correlation.

As a musician, one of my main means of communicating feelings is through music. When I'm in the U.S., I find it difficult to worship if something as minor as one of the guitars in the worship band being out of tune is amiss. When I'm at church in Haiti, though, one of the drums might not have a head, the worship band might consist of a self-taught saxophonist, a drummer, and an off-key singer, and there isn't electricity through which to run a sound system. I prefer worshiping at my church in Haiti to nearly any church in the U.S. As a musician, especially, this doesn't make logical sense. When I think about why I prefer worship in Haiti, though, the answer is simple. It all boils down to authenticity. In Haiti, there's none of the "stuff" to distract anyone. Their sole focus is where it should be: on God. Nobody cares if the toes of your shoes are scuffed. It doesn't matter if you're singing off-key. The only thing to focus on is God.

When all you have is God, you have no choice but to completely rely on Him.

Sometimes I wish I lived this way. I want a simple life where I am forced to constantly trust that God will provide. As I think that, though, I turn back into a selfish American and become thankful for my safety net of material possessions.

I can't stop wondering, though, why? Why do I have so much? Why do I feel like having excess is a positive? Why do I view this as positive? As a blessing? Why is this even an issue? Why do some people have more than others?

There is injustice in the world. No one is to blame for this; it is simply an accepted truth, a rut that continues to deepen as the wheel keeps turning.

The question remains, though: are we, who the world views as blessed, more fortunate than those who are in constant need?



"We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."
Romans 5:3-4

Americans are so wasteful.

A friend of mine is a missionary in Haiti, and I saw this on their family's blog. It's a really powerful depiction of the flawed American mentality.

The prices given are averages in USD for a week's worth of food.

The Melander Family of Bargteheide, Germany:
4 family members
$500.07


The Revis Family of North Carolina, USA:
4 family members
$341.98


The Manzo Family of Sicily, Italy:
5 family members
$260.10


The Ahmed Family of Cairo, Egypt:
12 family members
$68.53


The Namgay Family of Shingkey Village, Bhutan:
9 family members
$5.03


The Aboubakar Family of Breidjing Camp, Chad:
6 family members
$1.23

Matthew 4:4

"Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God."

I'm on an email list where I get a devotional emailed to me every day. Yesterday's emphasized the importance of knowing Scripture, and there was a list included of ways in which the use of Scripture is a powerful tool:

"Speak the Word of God:
1. To yourself first.
2. To God in thanks and praise.
3. To the devil.
4. To circumstances."


"For the Word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow." Hebrews 4:12

I came across this photo, entitled "Trying Too Hard", in a concept gallery. At first I blew it off as a humorous piece, but as I read the author's thought process as she created this scene (the wannabe candy corn on the right is a Bugle, by the way), I was led to realize how true the metaphor portrayed in the picture actually is. Who hasn't felt like the Bugle at some point or another? One of the first things that came to mind when I began to think about this is the scene in the movie Mean Girls in which Cady goes to the costume party dressed as a scary "ex-wife," not realizing that in girl world, "Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it." As hard as she tries to fit in by dressing up in the spirit of Halloween, she sticks out like a sore thumb because she doesn't know the unwritten rules. Why do we try so hard? The candy corn on the left looks just fine being itself; why can't the Bugle be comfortable being itself too?

I don't know, I guess that's a silly example, but it really made me think about how many times we become Bugles to try and fit in, but we end up making a fool of ourselves for not being who we truly are.

Relient K lyrics = great.

I was listening to Relient K's most recent album this evening, and a lyric jumped out at me:

"I'm just trying to be a better version of me for You."

It seems so simple, yet so often we miss the mark. We try to be someone who we aren't to impress God. It doesn't work. He knows us inside out; He created us. The Message paraphrase of Psalm 139:1-6 says, "Even from a distance, You know what I'm thinking. You know when I leave and when I get back; I'm never out of Your sight. You know everything I'm going to say before I start the first sentence."

Why do we try to be anything besides a better version of ourselves for God? Romans 12:1 says, "Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual act of worship." That's all He asks. God doesn't expect us to give Him anything He hasn't first given us - how can we?

If we offer Him ourselves--our entire selves--He will make us a better version of ourselves for Him.